Kissing, fondling and sexual activities in Ramaḍān

[Abu.Tasneem.Mushaf]

The permissibility of kissing and fondling (in Ramaḍān) for the one who can control himself and restrain himself from falling into that which is prohibited; and that is sexual intercourse.

And that which is intended by the word Al-Mubāsharah is the placing of one’s skin over another without a barrier and it can be utilised to mean sexual intercourse as in the statement of Allaah:



And this (latter) meaning is not intended here.

On the authority of ‘Āishah (may Allāh be pleased with her) that she said:

“The Messenger of Allaah (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used kiss me whilst I was fasting.” [Collected by Aḥmad, Abū Dāwūd, and it is in Silsilatu al-āḥādīth aṣ- ṣaḥīḥah (219)]

In another wording in a ḥadīth of hers she said:

The Messenger of Allaah (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) wanted to kiss me so I said, “Verily I am fasting.” So he said, “And I am fasting.” Then he kissed me. [Collected by Aḥmad and others, see Silsilatu al-āḥādīth aṣ- ṣaḥīḥah (1/430)]

The great scholar, the scholar of ḥadīth Al-Albāni stated, ‘And in the ḥadīth is a proof for the permissibility for the fasting person to kiss his wife during Ramaḍān. And the scholars have differed concerning this into more than four sayings. The most preferred of them is the permissibility; however the condition of the one who is kissing is taken into consideration so that if he is a young man who fears for himself that he will take part in sexual intercourse which will spoil his fast, then he should refrain from that. And it is to this As-Sayyidah ‘Āishah alluded to in the ḥadīth which will follow later which is reported from her:

“And which one of you can withhold from fulfilling your needs irb)”

Rather it is clearly reported from her, Aṭ-Ṭaḥāwi (1/346) collected it by way of Ḥurayth bin ‘Amar from Ash-Sh‘abi, from Masrūq, from her that she said:

“At times the Messenger of Allaah kissed me and fondled me whilst he was fasting, as for you then there is no harm for the one who is old in age and weak.”

And what supports this is his (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) saying:

“Leave off that which is doubtful for that which is not doubtful”

However, it should be known that the mention of the old in age does not imply a restriction; rather it is intended to exemplify that which is typical in respect to the elderly from weakness in their sexual desires. If this is not the case (i.e. not restricted to the elderly) then the determining factor in this regard is the intensity or weakness of the sexual desire or the weakness of the will power and its strength.

And in accordance to this detail the different narrations from ‘Āishah (may Allāh be pleased with her) can be gathered together. Indeed some of them that are narrated from her are clear in their unrestricted allowance, like this ḥadīth of hers. Especially as it came about as an answer to a question posed to her by ‘Amar bin Maymūn as it occurs in some of the narrations and she said: ‘And indeed for you in the messenger of Allaah is a perfect example.’ And some of them indicate the allowance even for the young man, due to her saying, “...whilst I am fasting” The Messenger of Allah (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) passed away leaving her whilst she was 18 years of age.

The likes of this is has been narrated from ‘Āishah bint Ṭalḥah that she was with ‘Āishah the wife of the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when her husband ‘Abdullāh bin ‘Abdur-Raḥmān bin Abi Bakr As-Siddīq entered and he was fasting. Then ‘Āishah said to him:

“What has prevented you from drawing close to your wife, kissing and playing with her?” So he said, “Am I to kiss her whilst I am fasting?” she replied, “yes.” [Collected by Mālik (1/274) and from him Aṭ-Ṭaḥāwi (1/327)] with an authentic chain]

And Ibn Ḥazm said (11/6), ‘‘Āishah bint Ṭalḥah was the most beautiful of the women of her time and in the days of ‘Āishah, she and her husband were a young couple at the prime of their youthfulness.’ And this and its likes are to be understood that she did not fear for them; and this why Al-Ḥāfiẓ stated in Al-Fatḥ (4/123) after mentioning this ḥadīth by way of An-Nasā’i, ‘...and this supports what we have put forward that this is considered for the one who is not affected by fondling and kissing, not for making a distinction between the young man and the elderly man due to the fact that ‘Āishah was a young lady. And yes, the youth are most susceptible to the arousal of the desire this is why those who make a distinction (i.e. between youth and an elderly man) make that distinction.’ End of quote. [Silsilatu al-āḥādīth aṣ-ṣaḥīḥah (1/431) with slight abridgement]

Therefore, it is clear from this verification that the rule in regards to the permissibility for the man to kiss his wife during the day time in Ramaḍān is that both of them are able to restrain themselves and they are not affected so that they do not fall into that which will corrupt their fast, that being sexual intercourse.

And also on the authority of ‘Āishah (may Allāh be pleased with her) who said,

“That the Prophet used to kiss whilst he was fasting, and he used to caress whilst he was fasting, and he was the most able to restrain himself from fulfilling his needs” [Collected by Bukhāri and Muslim]

And her intent is that the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to be able to overpower his desire. And Al-Irb is with the hamza’ marked with a fatḥ or a kasr. And Ibn Al-Athīr stated that it has two meanings, the first of the two is that it is ‘a need’. And the second meaning intended by it is a body part and that which is meant by it being from the body part in particular is the male genital organ. And it is a metonymy for sexual intercourse.”

He (Al-Qāri) said in Mirqāt, ‘As for the mentioning of the male genital organ, then it is not appropriate for the woman, especially in front of men.’

And in the ḥadīth is another benefit which is not found in the previous ḥadīth; it is the permissibility for the fasting person to make Al-Mubāsharah. And it is something additional to kissing. And they have differed concerning that which has been intended by this here. Al-Qāri has stated, ‘It is said that it is the husband fondling the wife with the exception of the virginal area. And it is also said it is the kissing and caressing with the hand.’

I say that there is no doubt that the kissing is not the intended meaning of the word Al-Mubāsharah here because the ‘and’ (waw) signifies that which occurs after it is dissimilar to that which precedes it. Therefore what remains is that the intended meaning is either the first saying or the caressing with the hand. And the first is more preferred due to matters.

Firstly, another ḥadīth of ‘Āishah where she said,

“When one of us used to be on our menses and the Messenger of Allāh intended to fondle her he would order her to wrap a cloth around her waist this was during the early part of her menses when it was heavy. Then he would fondle (yubāshiruha) her.”

The word Al-Mubāsharah here is the same as in the ḥadīth of the fasting; the same word and it denotes the same thing, and it is also the same narration.

Rather there is something that supports the aforementioned meaning. It is another issue. It is the fact that As-Sayyidah ‘Āishah has explained the word Al-Mubāsharah with this meaning. It is her saying in a report from her,

‘He used to fondle her whilst he was fasting. He used to place between him and herself a garment, meaning between the sexual organ’ [collected by Imām Aḥmad, Ibn Khuzaymah in his Ṣaḥīḥ and its chain is Jayyid; all the narrators are reliable and from the narrators of Muslim.]

I say and in this ḥadīth there is an important benefit; it is the explanation of Al-Mubāsharah that it is the fondling of the woman, all of her except the vaginal area. And it supports the explanation that has already preceded from Al-Qāri, even though he related it using a term that signifies uncertainty (qīla). So this ḥadīth shows that this saying is depended upon and there are no evidences from the shar‘ (legislation) contrary to it. Rather we find in the sayings of the Salaf that which increases it in strength. And amongst these is the narration of ‘Āishah herself.

And Aṭ-Ṭaḥāwi (1/347) reported it with an authentic chain from Ḥakīm bin ‘Uqal that he said: “I asked ‘Āishah concerning that which is forbidden upon me in regards to my wife whilst I am fasting?” She said, “Her vaginal area.”

I say, and Ibn Ḥazam (6/11) mentioned this as an argument against those that hold fondling to be disliked for the fasting person. Then Ibn Ḥazm mentions a report from Sa‘īd ibn Jubayr that a man said to Ibn ‘Abbās, “Verily I married a beautiful daughter of an uncle of mine, the marriage with me was consummated in Ramaḍān, is there for me, may my father and my mother be a ransom for you, any way of kissing her? He said, “Can you control yourself?” He replied, “Yes.” He said, “Then Kiss.” Then he said, “May my father and my mother be a ransom for you. Is there a way I could fondle her?” He said, “Can you control yourself?” He replied, “Yes.” He said, “Then you fondle her.” He said, “Is there for me a way that I could caress her vaginal area? He said, “Can you control yourself?” He replied, “Yes.” He said, “Then caress.”

Ibn Ḥazam said, ‘And these are the most authentic chain of narrations from Ibn ‘Abbās.’ And he said, ‘And from S‘ad bin Abi Waqqāṣ with an authentic chain that he was asked, “Do you kiss whilst you are fasting?” He said, “Yes and I place my hand on her vaginal area.” And from ‘Amar bin Shuraḥbīl who said, “Ibn Mas‘ūd used to fondle his wife at mid-day whilst he was fasting.” And this has been narrated with the most authentic chains from Ibn Mas‘ūd.'

I say, this athar of Ibn Mas‘ūd has been collected by Ibn Abi Shaybah (2/267/2) with an authentic chain upon their condition and the athar of S‘ad occurs there with the wording: He said, “Yes, I take her by that which she is shy concerning” and the chain of narration is Ṣaḥīḥ according to the conditions of Muslim. And the athar of Ibn ‘Abbās is also there, however it occurs in an abbreviated form with the wording: “Then he allowed for him to kiss and fondle, and place the hand as long as it does not exceed beyond that.” And its chain of narration is Ṣaḥīḥ according to the conditions of Bukhāri.

And Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated from Ibn ‘Amar bin Ḥarim who said: “Jābir bin Zayd was asked concerning a man who looked at his wife in Ramaḍān then ejaculated out of his desire for her. Has he broken his fast?” He said, “No, and he should complete his fast.” And its chain of narration is Jayyid. And Ibn Khuzaymah interpreted this ḥadīth with his saying: ‘Chapter: The allowance in regards to fondling, excluding sexual intercourse, and the evidence that a singular word can be used for two different actions; one being permissible and the other being impermissible. [Silsilatu al-āḥādīth aṣ-ṣaḥīḥah (1/433-437) with abridgement]

From the book ‘Fiqh aṣ-ṣawm al-muyassar’ Available on Ṣahāb: from here